Saturday, September 25, 2010

an old blog re-born vienna sasuages

An old blog re-born

Current mood: disgusted

Vienna Sausages:
Ingredients: Mechanically separated chicken, water, beef, pork,salt, corn syrup, Less than 2% mustard, spices, natural flavorings, dried garlic, sodium nitrite.

The boring but interesting part:
The definition of Mechanically separated chicken: is the stripped carcass of the bird. Stripped as in all meat has been removed and the only thing left is the tissue, immature sex glands and bone. They take this carcass and, at a high temperature, push it through a sieve. This creates a gray past that then can be used in foods.

Sodium nitrite, with chemical formula NaNO2, is used as a color fixative and preservative in meats and fish. When pure, it is a white to slight yellowish crystalline powder. It is very soluble in water and is hygroscopic. It is also slowly oxidized by oxygen in the air to sodium nitrate, NaNO3. The compound is a strong oxidizing agent.

It is also used in manufacturing diazo dyes, nitroso compounds, and other organic compounds; in dyeing and printing textile fabrics and bleaching fibers; in photography; as a laboratory reagent and a corrosion inhibitor; in metal coatings for phosphatizing and detinning; and in the manufacture of rubber chemicals. It may also be used as an electrolyte in electrochemical grinding manufacturing processes, typically diluted to about 10% concentration in water. Sodium nitrite also has been used in human and veterinary medicine as a vasodilator, a bronchodilator, and an antidote for cyanide poisoning.

Okay so now we know all the technical mumble jumble..what it is essentially saying is ALL THE LEFT OVER PARTS OF ALL THE ANIMALS, Pig, Cow, CHICKEN, all jam packed into tiny penile shapes then forced into some Jelly snotty like mixture and then vacuum packed into a can! The epitome of grossness a word? Well for today, in Stephanie land, it is.

Isn't it amazing how our taste buds change, how they mature. I remember as a child adoring this canned processed sausages, that we call Vienna sausages. Of course I thought the Government cheese my mom brought home once a month in the cardboard box was heaven sent too.(gag) Those were the days.

But I digress, back to my original thought, Vienna sausages! What can I say? EWE! is what comes to mind. My children are infatuated with the snotty looking, jam packed, processed, wanna be meat! I cant stand it, cant stand the taste, the look and most deff the smell. Its reminiscent to cat food...generic cat food that I am sure even Buster (RIP) would not have touched. Michael claims.."its all protein mom..its good for you" and while i agree its prob a better choice then the sugar glazed honey bun alternative that is sitting on the it really any healthier put something in your body that you really have no idea what the heaven is in it?.

Someone I once knew sent my son Michael home with a crap load and I do mean a crap in prob 4 dozen or so cans of this repugnant foul smelling "snack food"????? Michael exclaimed as he tauntingly read the can, "they are all beef ones mom" my thought was, and i think i actually said this under my breath, " oh joy at least it was only the left over parts of one animal this time". Needless to say before we even made it through the front door, Michael excitedly opened a can and pulled out one of the disgustingly snotty little penile shaped sausages out of the can and tasted it...then he said to me "mommy these tastes funny". I'm thinking to myself .."no shit...really??" .."maybe, just maybe hes coming in to the light,.....come over to this side Michael, come into the light" yeah right!. He then proceeded to hand me the can, the smell was over powering and I immediately felt like I wanted to gag. When I looked into the can I almost did Gag....sitting there floating on top of the snotty concoction that the sausages are packed in is a lilly pad of green and white...the moldy fat pockets mocked if to say "hahahaha... you thought this could'nt get any grosser didn't you" Dare I say I was thoroughly disgusted . In the end, Vienna sausages won the day, as Michael, who still wanted to eat them, made me promise to pick him up some fresh cans next time we went the store!

Vienna Sausages may have won this(at least as far as my kids are concerned) ...but never will I waive a white flag when it comes to SPAM!- but that's a whole other blog!-one that might bring back memories for those who attended the" Spam on the ceiling lets see what we can mix together to get drunk party." from back in high school at Mario's parents house. that blog still to come another day.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A dream is a wish your heart makes...

I dremnt about food! not just food but the appreciation of food. appreciattion of my food..yeah I know that sounds weird but I love to hear someone say ," damn this food is good, steph". or "steph how about you make that....... i have been craving it." I want to have that agian. I want to cook for someone..not just my kids but someone I love and care for. I know thats weird thing to dream....but i dreamt none the less.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Rants without rage....

I am so tired of being used! I am sick and tired of trusting people giving my heart and having it stomped on like a piece of trash that means nothing! I am always willing to help someone in need to a fault I do this..sometimes even to the point where neglect my own needs just to help someone else. I am always getting hurt no matter what the situation. I hate this , i hate life, im so tired, sometimes i wish i would not wake up. its to painful to continue..lord what is this trial, what is this lesson i am suppose to learn from this. WHY WHY WHY I am 33 years old living in an apt with a roomate-who btw is awsome and i love her for being there for me and my kids, but i cant help but wish it was a husband i was living with and not a roomate. How long will i live alone ? without thelove and compasison and touch that GOD intended man and woman to have? we as humans are not programed to be alone, it is in itself a major malfunction for us to be. And yet I am scared to death of meeting someone new, starting a new relationship, explaining my disorder, how it effects me, what i can and cannot do in all areas of a relationship. explainig my kids and thier issues, finding acceptance of my kids and their issues, finding someone who accepts my childrens fathers despite the lack there of from time to time. it all so much for me to handle how can i expect someone else to ? Oh and on top of everything else i can be a major bitch at it pain call it stress whateverI just am i admit it i am. but does that exuse always being trampled on by people, bymen and wemen no matter how hard i try????? I would have given the world to my husband if he would have understood my pain , if he would have run into my arms and held me instead of someone else----oh boy that sounds bad doesnt it..kinda makes me sound like im clinging on to something thas not im clinging on to the idea of something that wasnt there not still hurt by what happened justlearning to live with it better each day. I am ready to move on, to find my own happiness and joy , love! Another rant: I met someone through a good good friend of mine....for blog sake we will call this someone "J" . "j" was pregnant and had a big sob story about her soon to be x husband and his infidelity...well being someone who has been through that in a marriage i felt her pain and felt a calling to help her if i could in any way. " j" aksed for my help and I helped her...ALOT! what do i get in return (btw i was not expecng anything in return) I get shit on thats what! she stole my medication, lied about it blamed others including my 14 year old son, talked crap behind my back then completely ignoored me untill she needed more help then she calls up my other friend like nothings wrong and asks for my help...HA! I am a christian not a idiot!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Whats Changed?

Michael is back home with us, we are a family once more. Or at least as much of a family as we can be with out the "daddy" in the picture. Michael's dad is all but absent from his life completely, he thinks his fatherly contrabution is $125 a month. Cecelias dad, well i just dont know, he is around but not around. He drives a SWIFT truck and lives out of his truck wothhis wife. I am sur ethat works for them but not really well for Cece. Currently not recieving any support funds from them right now. But thats another story. I am still in a whole lot of pain. Its hard to enjoy life when your in pain. i miss being the crazy go lucky fun person i used to be. some say im still that person others i think wonder where is that stephanie we know? I have learned a bit more to stand up for myself and not take anyone crap! tired of beng abused and im making that very well known. Tired of being hurt too. Ready to move on withmy life and out of this funk i have been in. Lonlieness and Pain can do that to a person. top that off with having a child who is in pain and you got yourself a mess. I am hoping and praying that this year will be different then others, that some peace will come out of having to move back to CA. oh yeah did i forget to mention were back in CA. had to leave ok agianst my will so that i could have more resouces as far as my children were concerned. there are other more personal reasons to but im not ready to share those yet.
non the less were back. paying out the wazooo for rent and trying to scrimp and save to make it though each month. eventually somethings gotta give right???

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Dont JUmp

today my daughter and I experianced something horrible. we came apon a scene where a man had just committed suicide. he had jumped off of a parking garage. not the kind of thing you want your 8 year old seeing. and that poor guy, what was he thinking why was it so bad that he had to jump! I dont understand it. Cece and I pulled over and said a prayer for him, i want to stop thinking about it but it very difficult.
God please grac e this man who ever he is with your mercy and grant him peace in hevean. ..dont know what else to say

the day before this i was feeling really really sad,,, i didnt know why just felt sad. I sometimes wonder if i have ben given a gift of empathy(being able to feel others pain) and prophecy( seing future -orpiecesof it) well i dont wonder..I know! its hard to explaine i just know thing and see things, I wish ihad seen this so i could help him..maybe stop him from jumping. i dont know the purpose of feeling things and seeing things if you cant stop it.