Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Medical Update,& more basic life issues

So i had to go to the ER two days ago. The pain just became too overwhelming. For those who do not know. I have Neurofibromatosis. I have serveral tumors off of the nerves that are attached to my spine. Well in adddddition to the " everyday" pain i have to experiance, I was experiancing some extream pains in my Kidney area's. And I know Iknow TMI but was also peeing green pee....Ok sorry but thats the las of the TMI. Anyhow...Even with my pain killers and muscle relazers I just could not take the pain anymore. When i went into ER they did a whole battery of tests. CAT scan, EKG, XRAY, Blood test, urine test, etc etc Pumped me full of fluid and meds and then of course- as usual- said. ...we cant see anything out of the ordinary- never mind the tumors- so were gonna send you home. Now I am sure I was prob dehydrated becasue when I got the fluids it totally helped with some of the pain. They said we do however see a fairly large ovarian cyst and think yo should see your doctor in 3-5 days...UMM did i not tell them i was visiting form OUT OF STATE- LIKE THREE TIMES....seeing my doc in 3-5 days is IMPOSSIBLE . So i gave my doc a call to let her know what was going on and now its just about waiting..waiting to get home to OK then going in to see her, hopefully to get on the track to some pain relief. She is amazing, the best doctor I have ever seen. SHe topped everything off by offering to pray for me before i left my last appointment. That was enough for me. NO doctor has ever offered to do that.. They always think they know everything but at the same time tell me...there is nothing w ecan do to help you.
Do you know how fusterating it is to get turned away from a pain clinic?? They told me that they could not help me! my condition is pretty much untreatable according to them and they cant help me....WHATEVER! I have faith that this new doctor will help me, and eventually I will find some relief.....
It is very difficult to live everyday in pain and still try to be the best mother possible, but I am trying everyday tomake it through and do the very best I can.



CA thus far has been fairly uneventful knock on wood! At least for the most part...there is still alot of drama going on at home, with people making assumptions and comments to others that they prob should not be making...just causing more drama and tension. I fel torn between staying here in CA and going back to OK. SImpley because My step dad doesnt want to take any more meds. He has been having sezuires every other day or so ...and I guess he also does not want to go through Kemo agian....part of me understands and respects his choice, butthe other part of me wants to shake him and say...do you know what this will do to your wife, to your grandkids if youlet yourself die? -Does that sound selfish? I am not trying to sound selfish....I just dont want to deal with any mor eloss in this family. ughh. I have some good friends in POnca city- or at least today they are good friends- we will have to see what tomorrow brings....and good friends here in CA....I really cant afford to live on my own in CA...and have my own place in OK... I have vertually no one to BABYSIT in Ponca-everyone works- but in CA i have Family that can help. In OK i can homeschool Cee, but in CA its a bot harder to do, IN CA she can do her modeling , in OK its a little harder and she cant get the work she is used to getting. I have three really good friends in CA Sarah, Jenny and Angelique. In OK all of my good friends are on a yoyo type thing right now and I feel like I have to tip toe arounds everyone...IN OK i have no x-in laws to try and make my life a living hell- IN ponca I am free to do what i want when i want with my children without fear of them being kidnapped or emotionally abused. those are my delima's.....as of right now i plan on staying in Ok for the -well who knows how long- but what happens if my step dad passes away? what do i do then? do i move to ca and help my mom, does she move down with me? how do i help her and maintain my family structure and peace.
I am just tired, tired of being in pain and tired of questioning everythingin life..and the things i dont question someelse does...and makes me feel like i have to answer to them..as if I owe them?

ugh is the word of choice again today....

2 comments:

teacheroftwos said...

Seek God for the answers. He will not foresake you. He knows what his plans for you are and he will reveal them if you seek him~

Kellee said...

You will be in my prayers =)