Sunday, May 10, 2009

Reflective thoughts???

Okay here it goes..First of all for some reason God has led me to some interesting/life changing blogs lately...
I had been exploring the idea of doing photography as well as making children's clothing of some sort...not every day clothing but special occasion wear...and more so for tiny preemies. Well oddly enough God led me to some blogs, seriously..Don't even know how i found them......they were sad but humbling...i was sitting there just before crying and excuse my Lang but bitching about how much i needed a break and how crazy my kids were driving me....and then i come across these blogs about these amazing women who have lost their precious babies for one reason or another and then i remember my preg with Cecelia and the loss of the twins and I think about OMG what if i had lost Cece too...I came so close that i actually had a casket picked out online for sad is that, i was at one point even told to consider contacting NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP, which is were i first learned of this program of photographers that shoot grievance photos of children who either are dying or already deceased and they do it in such a way that its not gross or morbid or anything it is amazing and beautiful. I will share my story Preg w/ Cece later. Anyhow I have always had an interest in helping premature infants and wanted to become a pediatric care nurse in the ICU-that never happened-may still but not of yet- another dream was to be a photographer of children much like Anne Getties-hope I spelled her name right. After Cece was born , she was 6lbs 5oz but skin and bones, nothing fither...for 2-3 months we had to put doll clothes on her i believe she was 3 months before preemie clothes finally fit. it was crazy....which lead me into wanted to explore making tiny baby what if i was to combine all of these things and make tiny clothes for these babys that are 1lb 2lbs 3lbs or even less what if these grieving moms who may have lost their baby had something that actually fit their child...I don't know..I wonder....its not like i can just I'm not sure how to market the would not be to make money off of...i could be a non profit organization and donate the money to different research causes...more specifically the ones that are being ignored due to lack of education. I have also contacted NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP to see what i would need to do to become a Photographer for their organization, I now they do training....but what else do indeed as far as supplies and ect.
and then with everything I have read and reflected on i can sit back and take a deep breath and I can thank the lord for all the hair pulling and biting and hitting and tattling he did this she took that..i can relish in the fat that i can hold children close and say I love you and no matter how old they get i can sing them lullabies..and although being a single mother of two children, one of which has special needs, is a challenging job to say the least, I have tried my hardest to do good by them and by god, and i can only pray that i have doe right by them by giving them all i have to give and by raising them to know the lord.
Thank you fr reading my blog, I know sometimes i jump around with my thoughts ..I try and stay as on point as I can, but i also justtype whati feel..hopefully the idea of what i am trying to say is clear and I would love to hear your opinions..Thanks and God bless

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