Saturday, March 28, 2009

Single mom rants

It is so hard to imagine a life alone, and yet not alone. alone in the since of not having that special someone. I heard it explained once as it being a difference between being alone and being lonely. So in a since I guess Im lonely, but never alone.
I never imagined my life to be like this...sitting here at home alone at 2am in the morning blogging...with the tv on for backround noise so i dont feel so alone as the children sleep. It is still snowing and cold outside, the heater is on and i am confortable yet would love to have that special someone to cuddle up nest to and be warm.
I know god has brought me here for a reason...And I would like to think the god i believe in doesnt play games but I do wonder why it is so hard for me to figure out what it is I am suppose to be doing diferently. Am I ment to be alone? I do not think so, but who knows...
It is hard to find a christian guy who is wiling to accept not only me and all my "drama" but also my children and all the blessings they bring with each new day. I say " drama" not because i think I am a drama queen or anything but because any single mom who says there is not " drama" is lying through their teeth....I am just saying, ya know! It is what it is.
On the positive note...I won a radio station contest! I get to ride with a Storm chaser for a day! Oh my goodness I am so excited! I have always wanted to be a storm chaser and always been amazed my the wonders of thunderstorms and tornados and now i canpotentially experiance one first hand in what i am only assuming is as safe as one possible can being that i will be with a an experianced storm chaser. although- the idea of having to sign the release is a little creepy but is what it is. I am taking my son as it will be his 13 birthday in a week...
which makes me digress....who ever thought they would be in a situation as money no support trying to make it on her own...thought I was marrying for life...was goining toprove everyone wrong..statistics and all....and yet here I am. It will what everyone tells me ...WHEN? is all I have to ask them. When?

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